“There is no god higher than truth.”- Ghandi

By this time most people in Ireland, and indeed many throughout the world, are aware of the ‘Blasphemy Law’ that came into effect January 1st this year. It may seem like the perfect time- or a perfectly awkward time- for such a law. In just the past few months, when most people would probably be more inclined to hear about how their politicians and governments are trying to salvage their economies, we have heard increasingly shocking reports from within the Irish Catholic system; from Germany’s Catholic churches, including abuse cover-ups and priest-shuffling that reportedly includes the now-pope Benedict; murder attempts on Kurt Westergaard and plots -from within Ireland no less- to assassinate Lars Vilks, two artists who were willing to portray the prophet Mohammad.

In light of all of this, to say that this law is focused in the wrong direction is an understatement. With €100,000 bounties issued on artists’ heads by extremist groups, as in Vilks’ case, or with churches asking their parishioners to donate money to help pay the legal fees for the abuses inflicted upon them and their loved ones (as did Dennis Brennan, Bishop of Ferns in County Wexford, Ireland), it would seem that if any new laws regarding religion were needed, they need to be designed to protect us from them.

Regardless of whatever the opinions of those who have worked to produce or support this show, this is not an atheist agenda. Some of the participating artists identify as christians; others as wiccans, pagans, buddhists. As much as it is a direct confrontation of this dangerous law, Blasphemous is a celebration of artistic freedom and intellectual discourse. Perhaps the most blasphemous notion to any religion is the existence and practice of all others, and so keeping that in mind we applaud the diversity of the artists’ practices, if only to present a tableau for debate.

Curated by K. Bear Koss

Blasphemous Artists

Richard Bartle , George Bolster, Hannah Breslin, Alan Butler, Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Steve Farley, Una Gildea, Sarah Hardacre, Jacinta Jardine, Mark Lomax, Matthew MacKisack, Justin McKeown, Noël O’Callaghan, RedMeat by Max Cannon, Emer Roberts, Will St. Leger, Kate Walters, Paul Woods.

 

Hannah Breslin / ‘I need to tell you’, ‘Three, sixteen’

Hannah Breslin has focused on creating a cohesive body of work since graduating in 2007. Her practice incorporates both video and installation. These two strands operate from the same neurosis and strive to transform an internal, chaotic thought process into something external, tangible and potentially more manageable.

The notion of communication and its inherent frailties are central to her art practice and these video works represent an exploration into both verbal and non-verbal communication. ‘I need to tell you’ explores the limitations of verbal communication and considers how sometimes words just fail us. ‘Three, sixteen’ attempts to transform an internal struggle into a physical one. This struggle is made real through a performed action and in this way it can be quantified by physical pain. Both pieces explore the physical limitations of the body, the intention of which is not to shock and awe, but to distil a complex thought or emotion down to a single action which in turn causes physical pain or discomfort. In doing this the artist and the body can then learn to manage this pain, quantify it, plan it out and ultimately, control it.

Hannah Breslin lives and works in Dublin. She completed a BA in IADT-Dun Laoghaire, 2007. Her practice in multidisciplinary with an emphasis on video portraiture and text based installations. Recent exhibitions include, ‘Invisible’ and ‘What happens next is a secret’ (2010), IMMA, ‘Preponderance of the Small’ (2009), Douglas Hyde Gallery, ‘PROJECTOR’ (2009), Four and ‘…nothing without a woman’ (2007), Ashford Gallery, RHA.
www.hannahbreslin.wordpress.com

 

Kate Walters / ‘Negotiating the Unseen’

“Drawing and painting is my way to explore and research feelings about life, death, the impulse towards higher consciousness and the relationship between flesh and spirit. By exploring hidden aspects of our lives, or peripheral experiences we might share, or elements which may be unconscious or coming to consciousness, my work is open to interpretation according to a viewer’s experience and awareness. It can sometimes act as a prompt to consciousness which some may find uncomfortable. It is not intended to be provocative; working intuitively the outcome is not controlled”.

Born in London in 1958, Kate moved to Cornwall in 1997. She studied Fine Art as an undergraduate at Byam Shaw College in London; Brighton University – for her Bachelor of Arts she concentrated on working with alternative mediums, specifically film, slide/text and installation – and she pursued post-graduate studies – working with painting and drawing – at University College, Falmouth.

Her drawings have been exhibited in many national, juried shows including the Discerning Eye exhibitions [2002 and 2006], the Jerwood Drawing Prize show in 2003 and 2008; the 2008 Newlyn Society of Artists Drawing Show at The Exchange in Penzance, selected by Kate Macfarlane and Mary Doyle of The Drawing Room, London; Move, with Goldfish Fine Art, Vyner Street, London in 2007 and ‘Images of the Divine’, Orleans House, London, also in 2007; in 2006 The Royal Academy Summer Exhibition; and at the Artsway Open 05 and 09 in Hampshire. Kate has been the grateful recipient of two major Arts Council England Awards during the past four years which have enabled her to focus fully on her practice as well as visiting the Venice Biennale [2005, 2007, & 2009] and documenta in 2007.
www.katewalters.co.uk

 

Steve Farley / ‘Fuck Christmas’

To convey the meaning of their art some artists use obscure reference and visual metaphors. I prefer my gratification to be unambiguously instantaneous courtesy of conspicuous illuminated text.

One of my earlier pieces ‘Fuck Christmas’ commemorates one dark December in particular, but is intended to hearten those who were never that keen to join in the mandatory fun. Every year the Christmassers seemed to have the monopoly on electric emblazonment, leaving those outside the merriment feeling increasingly isolated within the imposed intermittent shadows. The inception of the inscription captures the despair uttered by the Yulely inhibited and shines out to reach those forsaken souls in need of a decoration that captures their own image in the expletive.

Black celebration now has a branding in the twinkling marque of the anti-Christmas.

Stephen gained a coveted CSE 2 in art before circumstances would compel him to build on this qualification some twenty years later at Bournville College of Art. Discovering his talent for 3D and sculpture was a personal epiphany that led to commercial success, albeit tinged with rebukes from his tutors for selling his coursework before marking. Renowned for favouring media that can be propelled from a gun of some sort, his experience in signwriting and engraving occasionally influences random pieces.

He has previously exhibited at The Bankside Gallery, The Richard Attenborough Centre and currently has a large body of paintings and sculpture at Manchester’s Artzu Gallery.

 

Jacinta Jardine / ‘God Damn Deity’

Under the new Irish blasphemy law it is now a fineable offence to utter anything deemed to be “grossly abusive or insulting in relation to matters held sacred by any religion”. A religion is merely a set of beliefs, and with the immense variety of belief systems and idols worshiped like gods these days, making it illegal to offend anything that anybody believes in humiliatingly undermines our freedom of speech and is globally anomalous to a shocking degree. This piece humorously highlights the stupidity of this new law and lets the audience decide for themselves which of the deities, if any, can be called false idols.

Jacinta Jardine is currently completing her final year of a Degree in Visual Arts Practice at Dun Laoghaire Institute of Art, Design and Technology. She works primarily with installation and interactive media; creating light-hearted, playful pieces which evoke joyful experiences for the viewer. In the summer of 2009 she joined the media art collective Mart, and exhibited her mixed media installation “The Cardboard Curiosities” in Mart’s group exhibition Open Door Policy, part of the Galway Arts Festival. Jacinta has also taken part in various other group exhibitions over the past four years, and is currently working towards the IADT Graduate Show, May 2010.
www.jacintajardine.co.cc

 

Justin Mc Keown

As any lapsed Catholic will know: just because you don’t believe in something is no reason not to practice it. With this thought in mind on the 8th of August 2007, I decided to declare myself a Magus and begin trying to effect events in my life and locale through the practice of magick. Results so far have been surprising to say the least. As part of this on going process of experimentation and documentation I have decided to place a hex on IMOCA for the duration of the Blasphemy exhibition. Enter at your own risk – I will not be held accountable for the consequences.

Justin McKeown was born in Ballymena, Northern Ireland in 1979. He works in a variety of mediums and is primarily concerned with questions of politics and context. He has exhibited widely internationally including: Kao Yuan Arts Center, Taiwan (2010); Alytus Biennial of Experimental Art, Lithuania (2006); Ludwig Museum, Budapest (2005); Currency, New York (2005). He received his Phd from University of Ulster in 2008.
www.justinmckeown.com

 

Paul Woods / ‘Madonna and Child’

The stylised image if the Virgin Mary and the Infant Christ Child has for centuries been one of the most evocative and emotive visual representations of Christendom in western art. In the 20th century dictators like Hitler and Stalin began to manipulate the traditional veneration of the masses for religious objects of art, in order to enhance their own personas and projections of themselves as god-like figures and otherworldly figures. I have chosen to subvert the Madonna and Child format in art, with an image of Hitler as an infant in the arms of his mother Klara.

It is hard for us in today’s contemporary world to fathom that through the Nazi skilful use of propaganda in all medias, that Hitler was successfully presented as messianic figure whose only concern for his country’s and people’s well-being. Many Germans up until the war’s end saw Hitler as a messiah and saviour of Germany’s woes.

Paul Woods is a Kildare based artist, who graduated from Limerick School of Art and Design in 1995 with a BA Honours Degree in Painting. Paul has exhibited his work in Ireland and also America while residing there for eight years. Most recent exhibitions are; `“Art of War” (March/April 2008, The Basement Gallery, Dundalk), “The Fallen” (May/June 2009, The Phoenix Gallery, Grand Opera House, Belfast) and “Visions of War” (Oct/Nov 2009, The Alley Arts Centre, Strabane). Paul was shortlisted in 2009 for the Emerging Visual Artist Award by the Arts Council and the Wexford Arts Office. www.paulwoodsart.com

 

Richard Bartle / ‘Deities’

Bartle’s work is concerned with the social, the environmental, the political, and the spiritual; and is an investigation into what he sees as the delicate relationship between these phenomena. He works in a range of media, particularly sculpture, painting, installation, and video.

Bartles latest series, titled Deities at the bottom of the garden, is an exploration into the nature of obsession; the obsessive zealot, the obsessive tinkerer, and the artist as obsessive re-presenter. Through a series of intricately detailed scale models of typical garden sheds, Bartle has created his own Lilliputian land, cataloguing and refining the iconography of the major religions of the world, reflecting on the objects and structures of faith that define difference and similarity. Bartle says ‘My own spiritual journey leans towards the chaotic, in all religions there is good intent at the core and that’s where my focus lies, but the badness is also interwoven and the process of reflecting on their architecture and icons strips away much of that mask opening a path to the truth in their scriptures’.

For Blasphemy, Bartle has turned his attentions to the ongoing sectarian tensions of Ireland. Creating two distinct hidden garden temples: one Catholic, One Protestant. Placed either side of a very unremarkable garden fence, the work is a deliberate modernisation to the Tudor concept of the Priest Hole, a comment on ordinariness of faith, and a clear reference to the close proximity and so often personalised act of worship

Richard Bartle is an artist based in Sheffield, U.K. He is founder and manager of Sheffield’s Bloc Studios and a former director of Bloc Projects and Sheffield Contemporary Arts Forum. He graduated from Leeds University in 1996 with a first degree in fine art and attended his Post-graduate diploma at Sheffield Hallam University in 2002.

Bartle has received significant funding from the Arts Council of England, and is currently working on projects in London, Istanbul and Sheffield. With a long career working in painting and collage he has exhibited widely in Europe and UK in both public and commercial galleries. In 2008 he attended the Platform Garanti artists’ residency programme in Istanbul where his attentions shifted considerably towards sculpture, the Middle East, and Turkey. Bartle will be exhibiting as artist in residency at the Mardin Biennial in Southern Turkey in June this year, as well as attending further residencies in Istanbul.

 

Mark Lomax / ‘The God Trap’, ‘Bible Gun’

Books have been a regular feature in my work for the past three years, representing a whole range of ideas, concepts, emotions and memories. For the most part I have avoided using the Bible, as being too obvious and too specific a reference for the majority of my pieces. The works exhibited in this show are the exception, focusing as they do on several very distinct themes.

“Bible Gun” addresses issues surrounding ethics, morality and religious conviction, culminating in crimes committed in the name of Christianity. “The God Trap”, a piece created specifically for the Blasphemous Show concerns itself with ideas of truth, meaning and interpretation. The piece, in part, examines how the many different factions within the Christian faith have manipulated the Bible to ensnare, influence and control others. Both works reflect my interest in modifying and altering objects to imbue them with new meanings and associations. The book, as a familiar every day object with its potent symbolism and many associations is a powerful icon of knowledge, history, understanding and power. In “The God Trap” a copy of the New Testament has been pierced to reveal a script more associated with other books featured on current best selling lists.

The bible, certainly within western culture, being the most powerful and significant book of all, is especially prone to misuse, misunderstanding and misinterpretation, this makes it especially dangerous, a thought strongly expressed in the piece “Bible Gun”. Neither piece seeks to condemn or ridicule Religious belief, but highlight how Religion has been used historically as a means of social and moral control, a practice still witnessed today.

Mark Lomax lives in the Highlands of Scotland since 1994. He is currently working as Fine Art lecturer and program leader in Contemporary Art Practice at Inverness College. Practicing Artist in a wide variety of 2 and 3D mediums. Most recent exhibitions include: 2010, Looking out of the window, Inchmore Gallery, Inverness. Several exhibitions throughout the U.K. and Scotland in 2009; Various mixed shows throughout the year at Inchmore Gallery, Inverness, Drawn In, Sidcot Arts Centre, Somerset, Art force 1, Israel Centre for Digital Arts, Art Centre, Inverness, Not on White Paper, Malt Cross Gallery, Nottingham, Here and now, Eden Court Art Centre, Inverness,Christmas Show, Peacock Art Centre, Aberdeen.

 

Sarah Hardacre / ‘Gathering Swarm’, ‘Wing and a prayer”

Sarah Hardacre’s work explores the construction of knowledge and the institutional shaping of history and the natural world. Her particular interests lie in the appearance of a ‘Natural History’ and the evolution of the museum. Works emerge somewhere between sculpture and installation and often appear again, reflected in vanitas like photographic landscapes.

Appropriating the forms of arbitrary collecting and the transmutational techniques of taxidermy, each piece of work presents a rupture, a momentary disturbance; questioning the clichés of chronicle and examining the gap between rational reasoning and irrational influence.
In the two works presented for ‘Blasphemy’ the documents of Christianity have been approached with sacrilegious distain. Each piece punctures and ruptures the word giving books of the Church, presenting a death denied the respect for restfulness traditionally obeyed in obsequies.

Since graduating Salford University with a First Class Honours degree in Visual Art in 2008, Hardacre continues her independent practice at The Kings Arms Studios, Salford. She has exhibited her work internationally, as well as contributing to national artist lead projects and international residency programmes. In addition, she works collaboratively as ‘ArtYarn’, a fibre arts collective, in delivering community focused knitting projects and skills workshops, based at Islington Mill Studios, Salford.
www.sarahhardacre.com

 

Una Gildea / ‘Resur-erection’

‘Resurerection’ is a cut-out animation film made in response to the on-going revelations of the systematic abuse of Ireland’s children by Ireland’s priests.
In the film, images of Christ are juxtaposed with images of Ireland’s priests and bishops, played out against a background of abuse.

Christ was betrayed and crucified, as were a generation of Ireland’s children.

The only difference is that the latter really did happen.

Una Gildea studied painting, drawing, and print making at the Gerrit Rietveld Academy in Amsterdam, graduating with a degree in Fine Art in 1998. During this time she also studied at the School of Visual Arts in New York.
Una is an artist and illustrator and has a unique, quirky, hip style. She works in collage, painting, drawing and animation. Her work is playful, ironic and full of astute, humorous observations on the absurdity of life. Collage allows her to play with reality, abstracting it, transforming it and reinventing it. Her work is very much stream-of-consciousness.

 

Emer Roberts / ‘Child and Rat’

As the rat is generally abhorred and detested for what it represents, it has become a distinct metaphor for cultures sinister nature. It is customary for man and animal to be compared, yet the rat seems to equate with society on various levels.

As a reinterpretation of the Pieta, this piece presents a merging of ideas. It is most prominently about the institution of the Church and the wrapped up and confusing notions of our superiority over and our dissimilarity to other species.

It harkens back to the impenetrable subject of death and more specifically, loss! Primarily created with wistful emotions, the intention is to catch a moment of serenity between contrasting figures. The suggestion of losing something or someone merely depends on the viewers understanding and what matters is the crossover of light and dark and our dual perception of meaning.

Biography
Emer Roberts was born in Dublin, Ireland. She received her Master of Fine Arts in Sculpture from the National College of Art and Design in 2009 and her Batchelor of Fine Arts Degree in Sculpture in 2006 from the Dublin Institute of Technology. She has exhibited in galleries and cultural centres in Ireland and in addition her sculpture is in public and private collections. Since her early sculptural pieces, Emer continues to merge ideas based around the human and non-human animal and the nature/culture divide. Photography has become an important and invaluable component within her work where she combines her sculpture within the images. She will have her first solo show in July to coincide with the Photo Ireland Festival.

 

Noël O’Callaghan / ‘Piss Nike’

In 1989 Andres Serrano caused outrage and controversy with his artwork ‘Piss Christ`. In it a small plastic crucifix was placed in a glass of the artist’s urine and photographed. The result won the Southeastern Center for Contemporary Arts award in the U.S. Because this prize was funded by taxpayers’ money through the National Endowment of the Arts, senators Jesse Helms and Al DÀnato attacked this organisation and called for a review of its grant allocations policy. Hundreds of artists demonstrated and the piece became a test case for artistic freedom, much cited recently in relation to the Danish cartoons controversy as a triumph for western freedom of speech.

`Piss Nike` is a reworking of this modern classic in which a Nike sports shoe is submerged in urine. In the wake of the afore-mentioned cartoons controversy, it poses questions such as: What constitutes blasphemy in a predominantly secular society? It questions the notions of freedom of speech in such societies where words, logos and brands have taken on mythical proportions and are privatised and protected by law and where use or ‘misuse’ of such symbols results ultimately in imprisonment.

Biography
Noël O’Callaghan was born in Cork city in a different century. She moved to a walled city called ‘Westberlin’ where she joined the order of the “Little Sisters of the Holy Runners” taking the name of “Sister Sweatshop”. This order pays special devotion to Blessed Brandname, following his strict rule which includes rising many times during the night to prostrate oneself before the shopping channel and the complete renunciation of all books. They also practice painful penances such as the wearing of tight shoes and uncomfortable underwear, silicon implants and BOTOX®. The order believes in salvation through consumption and eagerly awaits the Second Coming which it believes will take place REAL soon at a shopping mall near you.

 

Matthew Mc Kisack / ‘Obsessive Actions and Religious Practices’

Two Continua: Obsessive Actions and Religious Practices, figs. 1 – 8 (ceremonials performed by Anna Manuensis) illustrates Freud’s 1907 essay, Zwanghandlungen Und Religionsübungen [Obsessive Actions and Religious Practices]. Other than ‘prayer, turning to the East, etc’, Freud does not specify which ‘religious practices’ he has in mind. So for the video installation rituals from the Abrahamic religions – the Salah, the sign of the cross, the washing that preceeds worship – are mimicked along side the obsessive behaviours that Freud does give examples of.

Seeing this, the observer might indeed arrive at Freud’s initial hunch, that there must be some common ground of motivation between the rituals of prayer and the rituals of obsession, if not necessarily coming to his conclusion that ‘obsessive neurosis is the pathological counterpart to the formation of a religion and religion is a universal obsessional neurosis.’ Disregarding the question of the anthropological veracity of Freud’s thesis, to think anywhere along those lines probably involves confirmation of the rationale that similarity of effect, or of what is manifest, intimates similarity of cause, or of what is latent. It is the tendency to reason this way – more specifically, the proclivity to harmonize, to conjoin in the name of comprehension, to enjoy the ‘ease of recognitions’ – that the work is designed to interrogate.

This is because difference is at the heart of every aesthetic resistance to the logics of totalisation; in the case of capitalism it is the effect of the impossibility of exchange. Totalising logics depend on an unexamined drive for harmony, the unintended projection of equivalence, the ignoring of specifics. Duchamp’s wish ‘[t]o lose the possibility of recognizing 2 similar objects … to reach the impossibility of sufficient visual memory, to transfer from one like object to another the memory imprint’ (a note in the Green Box) was an attack on such thinking. This is also why Jean-Louis Baudry argued that the cinematic apparatus itself is fundamentally flawed: the images move so fast – 24 per second – that their differences are elided and a falsely unified field of ‘reality’ is presented. The form of Two Continua…, the static images and binary screens, is intended, in different ways, to address this problem. It does so by providing the conditions for exactly the images of thought which are the object of critique.

Matthew MacKisack’s practice questions how verbal and visual rhetoric effects individual experience, and how they manifest in political, religious and scientific discourses; these considerations are articulated through video installation, sound works and various forms of writing. Born 1979, lives and works in London. Solo exhibitions include The Turning, Stanley Picker Gallery, London (2009) and a forthcoming (2010) show at Supercollider Projects, Blackpool, UK. He is currently conducting PhD research at Goldsmiths College, University of London.

 

George Bolster / All Good Rappers Go To Hell

All Good Rappers Go To Hell, is not blasphemous in and of itself. It examines and represents the mis-appropriation of religious meaning. This sound piece/ sculpture exudes gratuitous materialism and street culture. The song at the centre of the piece is in the verses homophobic, misogynistic, materialistic and in the chorus is structured like a prayer or message to the singers homeboy Jesus. Rollin’ with Jesus whilst ‘sodomising bitches’ seems to be the zenith of this use of religion as an accessory. A phenomena especially prevalent in American culture. Pop culture has consumed religions to the point of absurdity. Pop culture artists seem to evangelise and align themselves with a deity now the way politicians always have.

George Bolster was born in Cork in 1972. He lives and works in New York. His solo exhibitions include: Sociodesic: Space for the Three Great Loves, Galway Arts Centre, Ireland; High On Christ, Chung King Project, Los Angeles, USA (2009); Eye of the Needle, Pallas Heights, Dublin (2005). His group exhibitions include: These Days: Elegies for Modern Times, MASS MoCA, Massachusetts, USA (2009-2010); Urban Gothic, Café Gallery Projects at Dilston Grove, London (2007) (toured to Quartair Contemporary Art Initiatives, The Hague, Netherlands and Broadstone Gallery Dublin, Ireland); Flip (curated by the Drawing Room London) Chung King Project, Los Angeles (2006); Passing Through (curated by Patrick T Murphy) Glucksman Gallery, Cork, Ireland and E+VA (curated by Dan Cameron) Bourne Vincent Gallery, Limerick, Ireland (2005).

 

Max Cannon

Max Cannon is the author of the award-winning alt cartoon, RED MEAT, which appears in over seventy publications worldwide and on the web. He is also a screenwriter, animator, and college educator. He currently resides in Tucson, Arizona.

 

Will St Leger

Will St. Leger is a Dublin-based street artists and activist. His piece, “God Dates Fags”is a unique and simple-yet-profound pun on the religious-right signs of middle-America declaring that, “God Hates Fags,” which doesn’t seem too Christian.
willstleger.wordpress.com

 

Open Letter To Kansas School Board

I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence.

What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.

In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism (Pastafarianism), and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

Sincerely Yours,
Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.

 

Media

 

 

Interview of K. Bear Koss on Phantom